Happy Christmas Eve Eve

It’s Christmas Eve Eve. I hope you’re all ready for Santa, because if you’re not ready now, you’re not going to be. I, for one, have done all I’m gonna do, except cook Crimbo dinner. Here’s a festive joke recipe, I think it will give you a giggle.

HOLIDAY FRUITCAKE

With Christmas coming, here’s a fruitcake recipe that will help take the stress out of this normally stressful time.

Ingredients:

1 cup water
1 cup sugar
4 large eggs
2 cups dried fruit
1 tsp salt
1 cup brown sugar
3 oz lemon juice
1 cup nuts
1 gallon Absolut Vodka

Directions:

First sample the vodka to check for freshness. Take a large bowl. Check the vodka again to be sure it is of the highest quality.

Pour 1 level cup of the vodka and drink it. Repeat. Repeat again.

Turn on electric mixer; beat 1 cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add water, eggs and 1 tsp sugar and beat again.

Make surr the vodka is still OK. Cry another tup.

Turn off mixers. Chuck in the cup of dried fruitt or something. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck on the beaterers, pry it loose with a Drewsciver.

Sample the vodka to check for consistancity.

Next sniff two cups of salt. Or something. Who cares?

Check the vodka. Now sniff the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever.

Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin 350 degrees. Don’t forget to beat off the turner. Whip the bowl out the window. Check the vodka again.

Go to bed. Who the hell likes *!#&*^$ fruitcake anyway.


Have a very Merry Christmas everyone. (hic)